Aloneness? Who is afraid! (2) — Incandescent Psychology #UnderstandingHuman

It is undeniable that almost every human being has felt lonely. When feeling it, there is a void that may not be easily explained. Not all humans understand loneliness, know its causes, or deal with it appropriately.

In this regard, the author conducted a small project by interviewing two sources. The two interviewees had different backgrounds. The first person is an only child and used to enjoy solitude. Meanwhile, the second person is the third of five children and is used to living in a crowded family atmosphere.

For the record, both of them are overseas students. This overseas causes them to be distant from their families and other people appear who they begin to think of as “family”. The person in question is a friend whom they consider to have an important role like “family”.

Where does “loneliness” come from?

There are similar opinions about the meaning of loneliness from the perspective of the interviewee. Basically, these two interviewees think that loneliness is when you feel that there is no other person present in your life. For the first interviewee, loneliness is defined when he feels that no one cares about him anymore. Meanwhile, the second interviewee saw loneliness occurs when we feel completely alone even though we have friends out there.

In addition, there were differences in assessing the causes of feeling lonely in their lives. Some feel lonely because they rarely meet with friends. The friend in question is a friend who has been together from the beginning to the end of college. Entering the final period of this college, the meetings with friends carried out are not as intensive as before.

On the other hand, there are those who feel lonely when they are facing problems. He will think who are the people who will be present when he encounters a problem. Sometimes, he felt that no one was present in times of need. He will feel lonely because he has to solve everything by himself. Even so, he prefers to solve the problem himself.

Often, there are those who simply do not understand the reason behind the loneliness felt. He can only feel empty and empty, and then confused about how to overcome it.

Interpreting Loneliness

If you look scientifically, there are three main points related to the problem of loneliness. First, loneliness is the result of reduced social relationships in number and quality. This occurs when there is a mismatch between actual social relationships and a person’s need for social contact.

Second, feeling lonely equals subjective experience and is different from social isolation. Social isolation refers to the physical separation of a person from others. For example, living alone or in the interior of the village. Meanwhile, loneliness is a subjective feeling when you are alone or separated from others. A person can feel alone without being lonely or feeling lonely in a crowd.

Third, feeling lonely is included in unpleasant experiences. Loneliness is indeed an inevitable part of the human experience. These experiences involve periods of self-fighting and can trigger a person’s self-growth.

What is the Scientific View on the Causes of Loneliness?

Perlman and Peplau suggest two causes of loneliness: vulnerable factors and triggering events. Factors that make a person vulnerable to feeling lonely consist of, individual character (shy, introverted, less assertive, low self-esteem), situation character (competitive, social isolation, opportunities for social contact), and cultural values (individualist, secularization, urbanization).

A breakup or moving to a new environment that can significantly change a person’s social life are examples of events that can trigger loneliness. This event becomes a trigger because there is a desire to make social contact but it is not supported by the same increase in actual social contact.

Cutrona’s research found three main causes of loneliness in college students. The causes are breakups, wandering away from family and friends, and problems with friends or relationships. In addition, a survey conducted by Perlman and Goldenberg showed that the older a student is, the loss of contact with friends is a strong cause of loneliness.

Loneliness Experienced by Everyone

Basically everyone has experienced loneliness. Loneliness is an unpleasant subjective experience and occurs when the intensity of communication with others decreases. The reasons behind loneliness are also different for everyone. Some come from within or outside oneself.

Even so, loneliness is not a problem. It is not a problem as long as we are able to recognize and know how to deal with it. By getting to know ourselves better, we are able to examine the causes of loneliness that is felt. Next, we are able to decide what kind of way to deal with loneliness.

Want to know more about loneliness? How exactly to deal with loneliness? Stay tuned for the next article!

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