Aloneness? Who is afraid! (3) — Incandescent Psychology #UnderstandingHuman

Feelings When Lonely

When lonely, humans can feel various things. It tends to be a negative feeling that can trap humans in loneliness. The mini-interview project conducted by the author found that the feelings that are often felt when lonely are sad and disappointed. In fact, it is not uncommon for him to cry alone without knowing the obvious cause.

Both interviewees admitted that when they feel lonely, they tend to feel bad mood and filled with negative thoughts. The thought that there is no one to contact, help when faced with problems, or in other words, no one cares anymore.

The above statement reinforces that a lonely person has a challenge to fight back against negative thoughts. Negative thoughts that are left unchecked, can have an impact on human physical health. Physical pain that has been felt by the interviewee, namely feeling dizzy or migraine. This physical pain is caused by him who thinks too much and worries about the loneliness that is being felt.

Overcoming Loneliness

Everyone has their own way of dealing with perceived loneliness. Then there is the difference between the first and second interviewees in dealing with loneliness.

The first speaker said that he chose to remain alone in the midst of loneliness. He realized that he would be in a bad mood when he was lonely. This can cause his feelings to change completely. Originally happy, suddenly crying. Therefore, he chose to remain alone rather than find someone else to meet. He is afraid that he will harm others because of the bad mood that is being felt.

In addition, he fills his time alone by drawing, making origami, going to crowded places by himself, or exercising. Of the several options mentioned, only sports allow interviewees to meet other people. This is because exercise is an activity that cannot be done alone. The sport that the first speaker usually does is playing basketball or jogging.

He also stated that drawing is the most effective way to overcome loneliness. Drawing has indeed been his hobby since childhood. He considers images can be a medium to express what is being felt and remove the burden that exists.

On the other hand, the second interviewee chose to enjoy the loneliness felt. No matter how bad the feelings faced, he will choose to enjoy it until it is completely exhausted. He focuses on improving the emotions he feels. Until finally, he felt good again as before.

In addition, he often overcomes loneliness by reflecting on himself. From this contemplation, he learned to accept the existing lonely situation, think of solutions, and keep a positive mind. The point is that he does not want to assume dizziness over the loneliness felt.

How to deal with loneliness?

There are two studies that discuss the human response in the face of loneliness. First, Rubenstein and Shaver suggest there are four kinds of responses to loneliness. The response consists of distressing passivity (crying, sleeping, thinking, or doing nothing), active solitude (listening to music, sports), spending money, and making social contact.

Second, Paloutzian and Ellison argue that the most effective strategy for lonely people is to join a group or do an activity that involves others. This can increase one’s self-esteem and think more positively because they have done something useful. Another opinion states that activities carried out alone can reduce loneliness by improving one’s mood and self-control.

When compared with the interviewees’ answers, there are similarities in responding to loneliness based on existing research. What they do is the same as with miserable passivity and active solitude. Plus, they both choose to move alone to restore the mood and be able to return to good self-control.

Loneliness: Good or Bad?

Loneliness can be good or bad depending on judgment and assumptions when dealing with it. The first speaker considered loneliness to be a good thing as long as he was able to judge it positively. Loneliness is a moment when a person is far from others. Thus, he took advantage of the moment to introspect himself.

The second speaker also said the same thing. When someone thinks loneliness is normal, it becomes fine. This causes him to be able to see the positive side of loneliness. For example, take advantage of lonely moments by doing something for yourself, when others are not around.

Meanwhile, they share the same view that loneliness can be bad. When someone thinks loneliness is bad and chooses to fill loneliness with negativity, loneliness will become negative as well. For example, blaming others, ranting to yourself, or sharing negative feelings on social media.

The existence of loneliness in life is real. Some choose to go straight to someone else or put up with themselves to overcome loneliness. In principle, a person looks for activities that occupy the mind and heart in order to forget the perceived loneliness.

Loneliness will continue to return to human life. This feeling is a challenge for every human being to know the patterns that exist in him. The pattern in feeling loneliness, facing loneliness, and always being ready to fight loneliness that exists in our lives.

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